I’m doing this ‘about me’ anonymously. I’m doing this anonymously because I don’t have a choice. I’m a thirty-something year old female who has been suffering for a long time. I’m too afraid to show my face, but I’m even more afraid to stay in hiding alone.
Since I was thirteen, I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety, social anxiety, bipolar II disorder, and my most recent obstacles are PTSD and borderline personality disorder. I have seen therapists off and on and the conclusion is PSTD and BPD, which explain the other symptoms listed above. I never considered PSTD because I did not remember what happened up until a few years ago when I started remembering trauma. I had dissociated myself with my childhood and bad memories in order to try and become a successful adult.
I have succeeded in a few things. When I needed to put my old life behind me, I disappeared. I cut everyone out and chained myself to the gym and healthy eating. From this, I lost one-hundred pounds and I felt great. I still can’t decide if I was hypomanic or if that is who I truly was, but my brain brings me back to that summer when I was at my best. I’ve also gotten off medications and believe I am doing a decent job managing my disorders with a holistic approach. I am not a doctor, but I do know that medications only hurt me more.
My goal is to find myself. To speak freely. To be authentic and feel at peace. If I can help other people and make new connections along the way, I can feel whole.
Please feel free to leave comments and send me messages; I love hearing from you more than you know!
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